I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize