does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize