the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
