And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
