It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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