Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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