he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I looked at my own cervix.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So squirting runs in the family.
What a dumb baby whore.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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