Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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