Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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