I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
