Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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