just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
