When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
