Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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