thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he thought i was a dude.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
