i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
