youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
