I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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