I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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