What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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