I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
