She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
