he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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