you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
