Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
