WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
