3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
