I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
