So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
honey bunches of taint.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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