4 words: hood of his car
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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