Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
