So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
