i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
