I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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