Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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