I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How external is "for external use only"?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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