I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
