I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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