if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
