When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The best revenge is premature balding
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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