You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
