and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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