she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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