Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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