Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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