Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
