that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize