whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
