So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
