What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize