dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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