Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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