Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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