i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
