Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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