I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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