Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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