White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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