I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
