First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
