She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
