Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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