called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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