Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
