tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
